This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
