Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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