it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
