Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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