porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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