and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
