i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
