Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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