dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
