No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
