My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I forget how to act sober
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
