Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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