oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
