mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
