yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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