everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
