nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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