When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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