I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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