Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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