You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
