Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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