Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
