I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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