just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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