The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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