I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
