Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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