Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
