Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
