dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
