Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
