i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You need a sexual gate keeper
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
