Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
