All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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