hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
