Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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