My friends, they love my intelligence
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
