Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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