Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
