For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
