It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
