Tell her she can't have a vagina
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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