yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
