he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
