Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He felt like a one man threesome
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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