if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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