He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
