Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Michael Bay diarrhea
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
