i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
