one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
