WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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