So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
