What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
