hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
