its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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