That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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