Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
